Circumstance
by the lola
Summary: 'He enters Grimmauld Place, shaking like a leaf but attempting to stand strong. Ginny Weasley leads him into the kitchen, he is met with judgemental or skeptical looks. There is just one welcoming face, and that is the face of Longbottom.'


**Word Count: **1,442

**Challenge/Competition: **Mix and Match Pairing Competition & The Fault in Our Stars Competition

**Prompts: **Tea kettle, amazed, 'promise me one thing', 'That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt'

**Warnings: **Depictions of death

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.

**Note: **This is slightly AU, as if the war continued after the Battle of Hogwarts (aka Voldemort did not die)

* * *

The war starts, and Blaise is thrown into a concoction of confusion. He knows the side all of those surrounding him want him to take, but he also knows how wrong that would be. He doesn't want to be that dark, or that controlled, or that senseless. Blaise is his own person through and through - truly, he wants to live through the shades of grey (if it were an option, anyway).

So in this moment, his mind is made up. He will not be a Death Eater - he will not be one of them.

* * *

But then they threaten her. They threaten his Daphne - all love and light and against all of this war, her life is on the line. Join us or she's gone, they tell him, and that's all he needs to hear. He agrees to join without even thinking, because calling their bluff is not a risk he's willing to take. They're barbaric, they do not care if she is young or innocent or uninvolved.

That mark is burned into his skin and he swears he's about to throw up. Nausea swells in his stomach and his body starts to sway as his head goes light. It's all wrong, he feels as though his soul is being pulled out of him as that mark is being burned into him. But as he bites down on his lip and stays standing, he thinks of Daphne. This is for Daphne.

* * *

It sucks the life out of him. He's dragged along a dark path, desperately trying to hold onto himself. Daphne finds out about what he's done and why, and he almost loses her - she is unable to understand why he would sacrifice his entire life and morality for her. She's right when she calls him selfish, because he did it because he can't live in a world without Daphne.

* * *

The Battle of Hogwarts, she insists upon being there to help and to heal. A green flash hits her, he hears her scream, his blood runs cold. He drops his duel, shoots an Avada behind him, runs towards the sound of her scream, knowing. She's gone. And he holds her up against him, shaking with tears and aching with loss.

They promised - they promised she'd be safe if he joined them. A bitter angriness ignites in him, seeping all the way through to his soul. Utter devastation and pure fury mingle inside of him, so much so that he thinks he might just explode.

* * *

'You sure?' Draco asks to a zoned out Blaise.

Blaise sits with his head between his legs, breathing deeply. No he's not sure, he's not been sure about a damn thing in this whole damned war except for saving Daphne, and even that was worthless. But he has to get away from this darkness, has to feel like he's doing something good for once.

He nods.

* * *

He enters Grimmauld Place, shaking like a leaf but attempting to stand strong. Ginny Weasley leads him into the kitchen, he is met with judgemental or skeptical looks. There is just one welcoming face, and that is the face of Longbottom.

He looks different to when Blaise last saw him - worn by all of this war, he supposes. He's taller, thinner, very rugged looking. Not at all the chubby and odd looking boy that Blaise remembers.

Blaise sits at the table and explains himself. He couldn't possibly be more genuine if he tried, he hopes that he gets that across. Everybody seems to sort of mumble and shrug in a semi-approval, to which he sighs a sigh of relief. It comes into question where he will stay, and an argument explodes until Longbottom shouts at everybody to stop, and that Blaise can share his room.

* * *

They sit across from each other on the beds in their shared room.

'Why have you...' he starts, but is unable to construct his words and so trails off.

A silence ensues, but the other man eventually speaks up. 'Everybody deserves a chance,' he says simply, before moving to switch off the lamp.

'Longbottom… Thank you,' he mumbles through the darkness.

'Neville,' he corrects.

* * *

As much as everything might feel a little bit better every day, Blaise knows how broken he is. Waking up drenched in sweat has become a part of his nightly routine, his sleep filled with nightmares of green flashes and torture and _her._

It's Neville who is there to calm him, telling him to think of any good thoughts he has left before he sleeps because it helps to calm the nightmares. And then Blaise realises - Neville is in just as many pieces as himself.

'That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt,' he is told by Neville, and it may just be the truest thing he's ever heard.

* * *

It becomes as though Neville is the only person in the building. Blaise will help - he'll go out on missions or he'll cook or he'll plan or he'll fight, but he isn't a part of a group. He's more trusted then before, but it will never be fully gained.

And at some point, late night, like so many of their interactions, Neville calls him into question. 'What are we?' he asks casually, flicking on the tea kettle.

Blaise has never thought about it. He's been so wrapped up in grief and doing his part and avoiding emotions that Neville has just been Neville. But it is his face that Blaise longs to come back to while out battling, it is his bed that Blaise wants to get into after his nightmares, it is his and only his approval that he seeks. But he says none of this, pushing it deep into his pit of suppressed emotion. He can't take any more loss.

'Nothing,' Blaise finally replies, turning to face away from him.

* * *

He's on cooking duty, and Hermione bursts into the room red-faced and wild-haired. 'It's Neville - he's hurt!'

And Blaise's heart sinks to his feet. He almost decides to stay put, to avoid the pain of seeing him in pain.

Hermione stares at him for a split second before grabbing his wrist. 'He wants you, come on!'

So he forces one foot in front of another, taking sharp inhales and deep exhales. He walks into his room, where Luna stands over Neville whilst muttering healing spells. She looks across to Blaise, and stops.

'He's going to be okay,' she says, 'the wounds are healing. He just needs rest.'

* * *

He doesn't leave Neville's bedside for the entire three weeks that he is resting, other than for absolute necessity. The other man's night terrors have returned, and Blaise lays his head on his chest every night, waiting for his breathing to slow and his trembling to cease. He is continuously amazed by Neville's strength.

There is just no point in lying to himself, he decides. No, Neville is not his Daphne replacement and no, Blaise is not Neville's Hannah replacement. They are objects of circumstance, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't just seize this slither of happiness whilst they still have it.

So he kisses Neville. And it's okay. The world did not shatter, Neville did not die, the room is still standing.

* * *

And it's not always perfect, but it's theirs. There are days where Neville makes him want to explode with anger, where he is so stubborn and insistent upon endangering himself. Blaise tends to get the same reaction from Neville.

There are also days where Blaise can't even stand the sight of him - he's all broken pieces in a man that is still standing, and Blaise hates to have to see him like it.

* * *

'Blaise?'

He murmurs in reply.

'Promise me one thing?' Neville asks, sitting up.

'What?' he frowns, concerned.

'Stop taking every damn mission. Spread yourself out, there's plenty of jobs,' the rugged man replies, sternly.

'I need to do as much good for these people as I can, Neville. They're the good ones, and I'm good in combat,' Blaise tells him.

'Don't you break my heart, Blaise, I've had enough of that.'

'I won't,' he replies, but does not promise. He can't do promises, not anymore.

And they lie in bed together, Blaise feeling the most okay he's felt in a long time. Neville makes his world a little bit brighter, he keeps Blaise's world spinning.

* * *

**AN: **Two stories in one day, I am on a roll! Does anyone else take writing days? I needed one of those. Anyway, reviews & favourites are so appreciated :)


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